GOD’S PEACE THAT SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

I tried to find something uplifting to wake the boys up when they were younger and found a video of a song from Seeds Family Worship called "Do Not Be Anxious Philippians 4:6-7". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd35-M-xLX4

The song was stuck in our heads for weeks! It officially became our “family verse”. Little did we know how wonderfully perfect it is for our family!

The Friday before Thanksgiving, we found out we were going to have another baby! We were pretty excited, but we decided to tell the boys about this “special gift” Christmas morning. They, of course, were just as excited. Jonathan said he had been praying for a girl...again. CJ said it was going to be another boy. 

My first official appointment with my midwife was right after New Years. However, the weekend before, I started spotting and was pretty nervous about it. I went online (bad idea) and then I called my midwife. She helped to calm me down a bit with her wisdom. I felt secure enough not to worry about it anymore until my appointment. I told God that although I was a little anxious, I trusted Him. I had to. He has been VERY faithful to our family in the past and I had no reason to doubt He knew what was best, BUT I did make a request for a healthy little one anyway - just in case he didn’t already know what I was hoping for. :)

My appointment came and I was ITCHING to find a heartbeat. Honestly, I was preparing myself for any situation, so when we couldn’t hear a heartbeat, I was ready for it. HOWEVER, I still agreed to an ultrasound to make sure it wasn’t an ectopic again and to “see for myself”. Praise God for technology, right? I texted my “A-Team” on earth (amazing friends who pray for me) and of course I called my “A-Team” in Heaven to pray for us as well. Chris said he would stay with the boys at home, and I felt pretty confident going alone.

God is good about surrounding us with love when we really need it though. Upon arriving, I met an old friend whom I hadn’t seen in years. We caught up with situations of how God has been working in our lives, and how wonderful He works. It was truly comforting at a time that I needed it more than I realized. 

The ultrasound was very clear. The baby looked PERFECT. It was SO beautiful. The head and body (even arms and legs) were very evident. Right away I fell even more deeply in love with this extraordinary little being God had given the grace for me to carry. However, having a few births, one can tell if there is a heartbeat or not. No beating. No movement.

I can’t lie. My heart broke a little bit. I was disappointed, even though I came in preparing myself for the worst, but I still had peace as well. The whole thing is a mystery, so I won’t be able to explain it well, but I attribute it to the peace that can only be given through my Lord. I thanked God for this opportunity to see this gorgeous little one. What a blessing!

On the way home, I kept repeating, “God giveth, God taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Now, there was crying when I said that, but I truly meant it. He had given us LIFE again. What an HONOR to carry such a special gift and I realized that we had celebrated this life and cherished it from the beginning. That in itself gave me much peace. 

Now I can’t say the devil wasn’t trying his hardest to tempt me in thinking, “I wonder if it happened when I…” I can see how easy it is to be tempted in guilt and anxiety at a time like this. Again, prayers from others are powerful, because I am a weak woman and I know it wouldn’t have taken me long to bite that line. 

We told friends and family about the ultrasound, and it wasn’t long before people came out of the woodwork offering prayers and services - from watching the boys to giving us food. I honestly felt pretty good and declined many of the offers, even though I know better to share these graces with others. Some came anyway. God is good. He insists on letting us know how much we are loved. We just needed to open our front door and answer the phone. :)

We had to tell the boys. I have to be honest, that was pretty hard for me, knowing how disappointed they would be. My amazing husband took on the job. They both were pretty bummed, but perked up when we asked them to name the baby. Funny enough, Jonathan came up with boy names and CJ came up with girl names! When we asked Job what the name of the baby should be, he kept saying, “ice cream!” (I LOVE my family!) Finally, Bartholomew was the name everybody agreed on.

We chose to pass the baby naturally. It would take time, but we didn’t know quite how long it would be. God’s time is perfect, though. Three days later, little Bartholomew decided to show up. I was prepared to save his body. It was AWESOME! The amniotic sac was still intact. That sucker was strong! We had to use my nails to rip it open.The water poured out and we could see the amazing parts that protected and nourished the baby! Then we saw him. He was absolutely beautiful! We could see his little eyes on his head, the ears that were still forming, the legs and arms, and we even had to cut the tiny umbilical cord to release him. He was so perfect in every way! I cannot tell you how blessed we felt to be able to see this! 

We placed him in a jar of filtered water. It was a little dirty with blood, so Chris tried to dump some of the water out. Well, in the process, the little guy goes down the sink too! While apologizing to God over and over again, Chris saves the little guy in the drain! We replaced the water and we could see him clearly in the jar now. Everything was still perfectly intact, praise God! 

We gave the boys the option to see the baby.  Of course they were curious and they wanted to see their little “brother”. Right away they were asking questions like, “Is that the…”, and responding with, “Woah… That’s cool.” :) Again, we had an opportunity to see who we have celebrated for a short while. It was so beautiful. We agreed that Bartholomew Jude (a.k.a. Ice Cream) Waldrop would be his full name. We placed his jar in a large candle holder that says, “My soul proclaims the goodness of the Lord!” and placed him in front of the Sacred Heart of Jesus statue. A candle is burning in his honor as I write this. We will be burying him within the next couple of days. 

People usually say, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react that matters”. I am not an expert on psychology, but I can say this: There IS extraordinary beauty within this particular situation, whether I react to it positively or not. There is HOPE and PEACE that truly surpasses all understanding. No one could blame me if I was upset or depressed or even angry, but I’m not… not at all. In fact, I feel grateful, honored, and fortunate to go through this. I got to carry LIFE again! Not only that, but we got the opportunity to see, touch, and love this beautiful little soul that will ALWAYS have a place in our hearts. I remember going to bed thinking, ‘Am I delirious or something? I can’t understand why I have so much joy. What is wrong with me?’  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! God WANTS to comfort and give us peace and hope. All we have to do is look for Him. He is right there in front of us, just waiting to give us all we need and more! 

Sure, it didn’t turn out like I thought it would, but what an extraordinary experience for our family! The prayers that were said for our family have truly lifted us to Him. Once again, we have SEEN HIM in the midst of what is considered weak, frail, despairing, and desolate. He is there WITH us and is willing to carry us in our weakness. I admit that I am a prideful woman. I am one who doesn't like help from others. I can do it all myself.. Ha! It’s a lie. I can’t, even if I fool myself for the moment. Eventually I will need Him and he is ALWAYS FAITHFULLY here for me. 

When we decided to have Philippians 4:6 - 7 as our family verse, we didn’t realize how much we actually needed it. As situations like this unfold for our family, its beauty and guidance keeps us growing towards Him. He is so good to us! We pray that you may find this helpful in your walk through life as well. Life can be difficult, but it’s much more difficult without God in it. May His peace that surpasses all understanding guard ALL of our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

In His love, The Waldrops